很烦。。。

这几天，我的心很麻。不知道，是不是因为自己真的很不想孤单的关系，不断找人聊天。
我虽然决定要开始从小做起，打算做生意；但是，我目前严重缺少的就是钱。没有钱，我根本不能作出任何东西。本来我也有一线希望的，怎知道，我很信任的朋友，她告诉我不要抱太大期望-我已经知道，她未必能的了，有心无力吧？钱，往往都在控制我们。。。
刚才，我的心很累，由于我的计划被逼取消，我的一些朋友临时放飞机。。。唉，这个时候太难找到朋友喝茶聊天的。。。不懂会不会有这样的一天呢？我昨天探望一个朋友，她姓陈，至于我怎样认识她，也是从她买sony产品中认识的。她病得非常严重，而她家人却说，她的人生可能会如此短暂。过后，她就叫她家人们出去，只让我陪她聊天。她和我说些话，她说做好人必须有非常强的心灵，不然，就会像她那样，爱上一个不喜欢她的男生，甚至单思到重病。我不知道，我到底这样，会对大家公平吗？

bad luck comes and comes...

i feel i cant help any1, included myself...
recently, 1 of my friend, he have relationship with his gf for at least 5 years. according to story i heard, his gf request to plan for marriage but he keep delay and delay for 3 years, and recently his gf wanted to broke up with him and accepted of married to others. after tat, he completely changed. he no longer can focus to job, makes him no more income, and he kept makes himself drunk everyday. he felt despair and hopeless...
how bout myself? just still same, never changed myself. just, recently quite bz at weekend. well, i think, holiday trip maybe canceled, and i'll stay at home for get rest. chi wai might advanced back to kampar... dunno y, this year is most horrible planning...
last week, i have a bad live, my right leg had serious injured... i cant move freely about 5 days. everytime i try to walk without things support me, my right leg only gives pain. SHIT. i really cant believe i'll face it. even work, most colleague suprised when they look i walk with abnormal way. now, at least i can walk, but i cant run yet. swt... at 2nd night, i dream again. i heard her sound. at dream, she comes to my house and help me to change medicine which wrapped to my leg. i damn hope the dream will only continued and wont wake up.
got annoymous ask me few question, more question on relationship. she ask me if a girl had done serious matter which had damage her image, would i still accept her and love her? i gave answer, which i alo hope i can do it no matter wat serious things.
got christian friend kept invite me to join christian. he kept said of how good to be christian, an he said life might changed if join christian. i not really wanted to join. coz, i not really believed in god. i only believe in truth. if the person who dun have intention to change theirselves, they wont get success. moreover, i'm a stubborn guy, and once i decided, nobody can changed me, even my dear father and brothers.
i hope... things can be goes better...

很不开心。。。

“铭铭，快起身！快看你妈妈！”那时是五年多前的早上四点，我被我哥哥吵醒了，当我爸爸抱着我妈妈进车送去医院，我哥哥带我全家人坐他的车一同去医院。当我们在医院外面等消息时，年仅十岁的弟弟哭了，我的心也很痛。过后，医生也走出手术室，说了坏消息-我母亲被病魔夺走性命了。。。葬礼那天，当我孤独烧冥纸时，我哭了，我大哭一场。。。我尝试坚强，不要哭，但是，我做不到，因为，我亲爱的母亲永远离开了我。。。那个早上，校长，和一些老师们，也出席我母亲的葬礼。我想，他们也察觉到我的眼珠也红了。。。
母亲已经去世五年多了。。。我每一次听到母亲节时，我很心酸，因为我不能孝顺我的亲生母亲。。。有一些人知道，叫我看开点，不过，不懂是不是我很思念母亲的关系，我总觉得母亲还在我身边“看”着我。。。

昨天，我打电话给我的前女友。她说了些很不好听的话，但是有什么办法？我这次也不是很愿意找她，我只是想清完我和她之间的债。她欠我钱，我讨债是天经地义的。虽然这样是很无情，但是，她曾经也三番四次欺骗我，我和她复合后她却和背着我和其他男生谈恋爱，这样对得起我吗？这样也抵消了吧？昨天，她还和我说有关她交她的处女给她的现任男朋友，她的私人事关我的事吗？我这次本来是要讨回她之前说会还我之前帮她买speaker的钱，可是她却说她不要还。妈的，我很火滚。我就狠狠地骂她这样欠人家很爽吗？她的心会好过吗？她就说她会还我那speaker。
第二天，她工作，我只好向她妈妈拿speaker。讲真心话啦，我有不少speaker啦，这样做，我会不会太好人呢？算了，至少让大家不再拖欠对方就好了。

这就是我讨回来的bluetooth speaker，具有很强的bass

然后，我回到mid valley的sony centre。那儿的阿头，罗先生，以上宾的礼节欢迎我。他和我说他订不到我想订的W902原厂手机，因为它不会再出厂了。没关系啦，我老早也收到这个消息，知道他也尽力了。我和他说明了我对一个蓝牙耳机非常得有兴趣，只是不同零售商不同成本，就是特地卖原价RM299给我，罗先生知道，他给我看成本价钱，就是和我所预料的一样。他说他也会赚我，只是一点，当作是朋友价，我听到他说RM210时，我就很兴奋了，因为这几乎就等于成本价了吧！？他就开了一句玩笑，说可能会有女生买那耳机给我的。我听到，也突然没有心情了，因为以前有一个女性朋友，她临去国外念书时，曾经买了一个mini speaker给我作纪念品。我好想念她啊，不知她现在美国怎样呢？不过，如果真的有人买那么好的耳机给我就好了，因为那可是上等阶级的。。。

这就使我梦寐以求的蓝牙耳机^^还可以听radio呢！bass和立体环绕声也非常强！
chi wai也终于回来kl了。我终于不会再孤独，纵使是短暂的时间，我也很开心，他毕竟是我的好兄弟。他还说他尽量叫多点朋友一起庆祝我的生日。我也很高兴，虽然自己喜欢的女生很大可能没有陪我度过生日（因为她在努力和她喜欢的男生复合），那也是我很不开心，不过有什么办法？至少有好兄弟记得我的生日，我也欣慰了。。。

我不懂能不能坚强下去

今天，我像往常一样，打电话或信息她。可能是我喜欢她，所以差不多每天都会信息她吧？其实，我每天都很怕，很怕她会越来越讨厌我。虽然我有想过希望她会接受我，可是，我这段时间找她都是出自我的心以朋友来关心她的。其实我并没有抱大希望她会应邀我的生日outing，可是当我问她时，她却说她会在前一天，星期五，找她的男朋友。我很明白，一年多的感情总难分清的。虽然说是分手，可是她很爱她的男朋友，总想再复合，再想试试来证明。虽然，我也是过来人，曾经试过这样，但是，不懂是不是我喜欢她，我很痛心。我尝试面对这些话，虽然我没有流泪，可是，我觉得我的人崩溃了，完全没有精神了。。。我很想哭，可是，我哭不出，因为，我不能露出脆弱的我。我以前也经历过无数的悲事，好朋友的逝世，同事朋友的唾弃，背信弃义，我也经历过不少，我也没有沮丧，掉泪，我不能因为私人感情问题而倒下！

28/4/2010

I'll describe wat happened from monday, 28th april to today wednesday, 28th of april.
at monday, is really odd day for me. while i working, i do things in hasty speed, and i feel i'm fainted due of i used up all energy. but strange is, all ppl see is i am awake but weak. and i left office slowly. coz, all i rmb is, when i in concious, i'm with my brother. crazy part is, while i fainted, i saw some1 cry infront of me, even it was a "dream", but, it makes me uncomfortable. 1 of sad case is, 1 of my friend, amy, she'd become single dy... i dunno wat's wrong with her, but, i feel sympathy...
tuesday, i finally get my C901 dy. It had changed new mother board, and i finally able to browse internet even faster. haha. I really glad of my C901 become even better!
today, i get scolded by customer, i dunno y he so suddenly he angry and scold me, i patiently talk to him but he keep scolding, and scold my family. damn him, i didnt did anything wrong, but y he scold me? y scold me family summore? does he think old man have advantages to scold ppl? if he angry just bcoz of i tell him not to use phone at bank, i will tell him of if all ppl indicipline like him, every1 use phone at bank, if bank robbed, all of them will be suspected and forced to go police station.
i meet randy. he tell me of dun b hero, as chinese phrase "hero is always short life(ying hong hei dun)". he tell me, even he know of a lot of not original sets or recon sets had categorized as AP sets, but, who'll listen me? he remind me of i no need help ppl as i no longer work under sony. well, i didnt thought of i'm being behaved like a hero, i'm just trying to do things in right way.

I'm feel disappointed... i had apply holiday for have some enjoy with friends, yet, amy, raymond dun wan to join... only glad of chi wai will come back to kl after next week. i'm felt my spirit had weaken... cant sleep these few days...

Fatigue...

Just now, i work until 12am, i'm really tired at the moment, and yet, i walk back to home. i passed by somebody's house - Stephanie's house. I take a look over the door. I can't believe my eyes! I saw stephanie standing at the door and looking outside, and she notice me. I stand at her house's gate, and look we look each other around each other, without say anything, for about 5 minute. although is only 5 minute, but i feel time passed so long, it's because i hope i could heard her voice. At last, she only usebody language, which i weak in. I can't understand was she wanted to told me, other than "she can't sleep". After that, she tell me "Good night".
I never contact with her, since i resign as retail sales after my bday. I'm still rmb when bday, i met her while i walk alone at parkson. Actually, at tat moment, she scared to speak with boys, coz she faced a horrible incident. Yet, she had accompany with me for whole day of celebrate my bday. Quite weird, izit?
Wat incident she faced? At labour day, ryan brings her out to meet me.
to be continued...

Lazy....

It'd been a long time didnt open blog. i really busy of work recently. after this week, i might not free even weekend.
Time passed... today is 17th of april. almost reached official 20. today, i went to PC fair, mainly is invited by shirley of join their group for walk. then i move there at earlier morning and reached 11:37am. well, i really sensitive of lateness bcoz of her. i walk around alone. besides, i went there was actually for visit 1 of my dear sis, tracy. my feeling tell me of she might probably participate this fair. due of she bz(i think she have right of reject my invite for rest), and i quite miss her much, thus, i move there for visit her.
As result, i didnt see shirley, and she claimed of she came at earlier of morning, and she claims of she at hall5 and ready to leave. damn! i saw her at hall 3 and i instantly moved at hall 5 exit, and wait over there for over more than 1 hour, how come i never see them leave?
B4 this, i finally found tracy. she look's kinda pale(b4 she noticed me). i guess she had abandoned her health without her noticed. but i never tell her, as i saw she's smiling. i brought a speaker from her, too, as i heard of she mayb got commision when got sales on fair. i dun think it support her much, at least i hope it might strengthen her.