this is the beginning of the nightmare...

today, 4th of october, afternoon, i fall asleep, because i had a few night couldn't sleep. i had worry, something will be happened...

this morning, due of i didn't sleep, i go out for a walk. after breakfast, my dad had "meeting" with my family again. phew... kinda long time to discuss...
afternoon, i fall asleep without eat lunch. when i sleep, i have a nightmare. in the nightmare, i dream esther. she told me that i am a useless person and she is ashamed to friend with me. in the nightmare, she said she no longer friend with me. its shocked me and made me wake up. when i wake up, its 3:30pm. i had sleep just 1 hours.
after i eat a bread, i go for online. well, the nightmare is really happened, it slightly same as the nightmare i dreamed. esther told me few things on the msn messenger. lately she not comfortable when she chat with me, she said i been changed, etc... then, she tell me that let she and me just become friends, because she and i is not suited to become "brother and sister". even i sad, attept to refuse, but will it make us better? i don't think so, well, i had forced to accept. oh my, my mood is going to worser untill cannot concentrate even cycling to house. while i cycling to house, the stupid car crash to me. lucky my bike is fine, yet, my left arm is pain of scratched while dropped to the rocky land. at that time, i really angry and attempt to hit the driver. when i stand up, i saw roy, then i feel like fighting is not good for mental health, so i stopped it. so, i bring the injured body and sad feeling to friend house. i will go back to house as i finish the post.
I am very sad... was the happy time between us is doomed? was we don't have chance to let me perfom better?