time wont wait for us. we need take action asap or else u'll regret

9:00am... is my dreaming time. i had dream my mother... she tell me few of past... well, i had drop tear and woke up after tat.

It's been 5 years i couldn't hear my mother's voice... tat is 1st time, most sad for me from born untill now. when my mother passed, tat time i still a naive kid. a 14 years old youngster should be mature. in these 5 years, i seldom dream of my mom.

in these 5 years, i still have a bad habits - delay. everything delay delay delay. when exam period wat i doing? sleeping, play chess, go cc, etc... until exam day then i do revision. quite funny right? but i dun think it's funny. coz i often delay, i'm always late to my friend's/classmate's reunion. i had delay everything wat i wan to do, 19 yeard old already haven't get driving license, waste money which made me delay from save money for study, and until now i feel i cant help my family as well...... i feel shame of being a human... i had because fear to tell a girl whom i care most, today i know of she have bf(i had feel sad, but how can i do for myself? she may dunno i like her also... but no tear, afterall)...

i know tat girl since form 4, when she join to my school. tat time, i just feel normal like usual. but, after 1 year, i had become often chat with her. when SPM, i had secretly admire（暗恋） to tat girl. i think she dunno tat i had tat feeling to her...

after SPM, i had 1 year didn't contact her, due of i dun have her contact number. ah ha, when i join action, 1 day, i saw her sibblings and her walk parkson, then i simply msg to her relatives, but, she call me suddenly as she saw her relative's msg. after tat, i kinda happy of i could get her contact, in the same time, i also disappointed of she have bf. but after 2 weeks, i have gf, but tat time dun have much feeling of alice.

bout 4 months i had together with alice, she not only even naive, dumb, moreover she keep lying to me tat makes me even hate to her. then i decided to break relation with her, and finally, i even angry of wat she does and i decide to break friendship with her, at 30th of may. while i break relationship with alice, i got contact her and i'm suprised of she had no longer with bf. well, wat can i do tat time? only can treat her good by my sincere.

but today, 2:50pm, i decided to go to visit her and tell her of i likes her, but i didnt tell, because she tell me of she have bf... well, i disappointed again...

until now, 5:25pm, i feel i very tired regarding of it, even i know i not supposed to disappointed or sad of it, but i couldn't control myself...

as conclusion, i really need to take initiatives on everything in the future, i dun wan have any regrets...

its time wo woke up from nightmare

Its been a long time i being other "vincent". sometimes happy and sometimes kinda feel meaningless to having such annoy attitude. i just simply said sad, hurt, etc... actually i had no such things since my mom passed away. after 5 years of tat incident, i seldom drop my tears of small case... ppl thought i easy hurt of break or no gf. actually i not frustrated of these. wat i concern is, TIMING... time not waiting for whoever person. most of my friend already get driving license, study, but i dun have both!? wat am i doing? still working. having blind work...
well, i kinda being tired of work under action... coz salary quite low, and recently sales bad... it's not i didnt try my best to improve my sales. it's just company too straight against of price and cant nego... if not because i lost handsets TWICE, i had already left action long time and now i work under my friend. well, even i tell my family, will they able to help me? i just dun wan to tell them to avoid from worried by them... well, few of my friends know of it... they all also suggest me to change job... sigh......

broken heart... wont b heal unless i get something i desired for

it's been awhile after i break with my 1st love. i thought i can b free from relationship life. unfortunately it repeat and make me more worse...
recently i miss a girl and tried to get closer with her, even she know of she have no feel to me, yet she only test me...
in these 2 weeks, although we only meet only once, i feel of i had love her instead of likes her. after i met her, my mind keep think of her, keep miss her...i miss her until these few days couldn't sleep, begins of physical illness... yesterday she told me of i had to break with her. i really sad of it... i had long time didnt drop my tears... i even didnt have proper conversation with her... we should have long time communication to ensure whether we r match or vise versa. i sad until scold her even she under heavy stress... i reli silly... i should care her and try to less her stress as well... i reli felt sry to her... i reli sad and regret until i cry... even ill... and even couldnt slp...

i am in forbidden well...

hi. it's been a while time didnt update my blog. well, i think i'm suffer more than happy.
in these 1 month, i couldn't slp well, mostly 4 to 5 hours, seldom have nice nap. why i damn stupid? like some1 i shouldn't like, want to tried to forget it but failed. haizzz.... why this time i have such moron mind? why i need to worried some1 who had like others? she also not often to chat with me but more often chat to "him". i don't want to mention here, and i will try to not let more ppl know as well. well, i guess, i nid even better solution...

this is the beginning of the nightmare...

today, 4th of october, afternoon, i fall asleep, because i had a few night couldn't sleep. i had worry, something will be happened...

this morning, due of i didn't sleep, i go out for a walk. after breakfast, my dad had "meeting" with my family again. phew... kinda long time to discuss...
afternoon, i fall asleep without eat lunch. when i sleep, i have a nightmare. in the nightmare, i dream esther. she told me that i am a useless person and she is ashamed to friend with me. in the nightmare, she said she no longer friend with me. its shocked me and made me wake up. when i wake up, its 3:30pm. i had sleep just 1 hours.
after i eat a bread, i go for online. well, the nightmare is really happened, it slightly same as the nightmare i dreamed. esther told me few things on the msn messenger. lately she not comfortable when she chat with me, she said i been changed, etc... then, she tell me that let she and me just become friends, because she and i is not suited to become "brother and sister". even i sad, attept to refuse, but will it make us better? i don't think so, well, i had forced to accept. oh my, my mood is going to worser untill cannot concentrate even cycling to house. while i cycling to house, the stupid car crash to me. lucky my bike is fine, yet, my left arm is pain of scratched while dropped to the rocky land. at that time, i really angry and attempt to hit the driver. when i stand up, i saw roy, then i feel like fighting is not good for mental health, so i stopped it. so, i bring the injured body and sad feeling to friend house. i will go back to house as i finish the post.
I am very sad... was the happy time between us is doomed? was we don't have chance to let me perfom better?

happy new year~ gt a lot things to say...

finally 2007 is went... last year gt a lot bad things happened to me, make me few sad; of coz gt a few happy things to me. tis holiday, the most happy things is can make friend with siew yee & charmaine. the 2 girls is quite cheerul, bt charmaine is a bit naughty. among 2 of them, i like siew yee, coz she talkative, i can communicate with her easier compare with other girl. although nt know much bout 2 of them, i think i start to miss them, coz i cant meet them as school start.
yesterday, i work at sungei buloh, with zul(waiter), choon sang(waiter), charmaine(waiter) and mrs. peggy(chef). bout 5pm, we arrived there and start to arrange the table & chair while peg ready to cook. 7pm, when almost done arrange, suddenly the host tel us to rearrange the chair due the table is nt enuf. coz tat, when we arrange, peg keep scold us. haizzzzzzz... at tat time i feel tat i useless... b4 party start, we had discuss tat i clear table, charmaine in charge of ready soft drinks and ice-kacang & choon sang ready laksa. the party start at 8pm. when bout 9pm, when charmaine is nt enuf glass cup to ready soft drink, i go to collect glass cup & wash them. coz i wash glass cup and choon sang help charmaine ready ice-kacng while ppl nid laksa, the peg kept scold bout us. haizzz... all ppl nid help 1 mar, why peg didnt try to be in other people's shoe and kept scold us??? b4 countdown, i keep think bout last year(2007):
cw is quite helpful, sometimes i think tat i create trouble to him. juz tis holiday, i had lend bout rm50 from him for my own purpose. han seng ar? he still didnt change. jun hui is still naughty as when he form 1. i still remember his nickname "dog king". hahahaaaa. i remembered 1USAHA friend eg. lee joseph, lee jun seng, albert mah &, etc... as i remember alicia, i started to cry infront of many ppl. form1 memories is unforgetful to me. i think form5 is most bad year for me. i cant solve anything i wanted to solve and kept delay the problem till SPM, tats y i cant concentrate in BM & sejarah exam... bout other subject ar? didnt affect maths at all, the rest a bit affect... those problem & the SPM make me even sad till cried summore...

hope my life can be better...

sound pretty weird, doesn't it?

2 days ago, 8/12/2007, sat, i am very lucky, coz i had met ai hwa, my primary school friend. lucky she still remember me. tat's y i happy. bt, when i on the way went home, i think back the memories when in primary school till b4 SPM, a lot sweet memories, a lot sad memories, etc...
when i think a few event, my tear dropped. yong ting, kelly, sook yan, the ppl tat duwan friend with me anymore, they action make my heart pain... when at saujana, i attept to "pikat" a girl, till lampau. bout august, she tell me tat duwan friend with me with serious voice. at tat moment, is most sad for me in my life. after few month, i had shift to SMK taman yarl. at first 2 month, i reli very hate tat school, very angry, till wan "cari gaduh". tat moment i reli no mood. bt bout february, gt an event make me happy back - tat girl wan friend back with me. bt, at tat time i realise, tat girl's best friend, rachel, is nt reli close with me as last time. although i know it, bt i still try to friend with her & hope she know tat i wan to be good friend with her.
SPM is over alredi, bt i still lyk "homeless ghost", dunno wan to do wat...... hope the person who viewed tis blog will gimme suggestion. thx